A Mark of Mourning

earlier this week my husband and i were enjoying a ridiculously cheap and delicious lunch at costco when we noticed a couple with a baby sitting a few tables away. my initial thoughts, as i watched them all smiles, were, "you don't know how lucky you are. you probably got to go straight home with your little love after she was born, didn't you? and now you're just living it up in naive bliss. you have no idea the anguish you avoided because she's healthy." to be honest, i have those thoughts more often than not when i see babies. thoughts rooted in bitterness and self-pity.

and assumptions.

a few moments later, i had a thought that i know was from God - because it sure as heck didn't come from my bitter brain. all of a sudden, i saw beyond their outward appearance of "life is perfect for us" and saw sweet sorrow. maybe their life wasn't as easy as it seemed from where i sat. what if they were trying to have a baby for years and then, finally, she arrived? what if he was told he could never have children, but somehow she got pregnant? 

what if they were parents who once lost a beloved and precious child, and this baby was their rainbow? 

oh, wow. 

my cold heart instantly melted and i was genuinely so happy for them. 

i'm coming to realize that my husband and i are not the only ones who are experiencing pain. even though all too often it feels like we got the short end of the stick, and are alone in it, every person who walks on this earth is carrying their own burden. because we're human. pain just comes with the territory. 

sometimes our burden is very public, like the loss of a child, and sometimes it's hidden behind closed doors, like infertility or an abusive marriage.

we all see the joyful announcement on facebook, "we're pregnant!" - and it may seem so easy and perfect for them. but we don't always know the long, secret road of heartache behind someone's outward joy.

hundreds of years ago in england, black armbands were worn as a sign of mourning. to me, that would feel so freeing and unifying. i kind of wish we did that today. we'd quickly realize how alike we really are and how much sadness and pain there is in this world. i think it would make us more compassionate. a mark of mourning would be a commonality of pain - a "we're all in this together" mentality. 

but maybe i don't need a black armband to show me who's in pain or carrying a heavy burden, i can just assume they are, because they are alive. so i should extend a lot more grace. 

God willing, in a year or so, my husband and i will be that happy couple at costco. giggling with our rainbow baby whilst chowing down on a $1.50 hot dog. 

and when others see us i pray they find hope.

you're not alone in your pain. we've all got it.

except for maybe kate middleton. her life is perfect.