Thursday, August 8, 2013

Noah's Pics: Edition One

yesterday a friend mentioned to me that she wanted to see more pictures of noah. say what? you want a new mom to show off her adorable baby boy??

to that i say, DONE!!! and thank you so much for asking.

i think maybe sometimes people feel like if they ask about noah, want to hear the birth story or see pictures of him, that it would just be too hard on my husband and i to share. so they don't. but can i be honest? that just adds to the loss of a bereaved parent. not only do we lose our baby, we lose the experience of sharing our baby with others.

and yes, when we tell you the birth story, we might cry. and yes, we might get emotional when we look at a picture of him. but it will always, always bless us. so please, on behalf of all parents who have ever lost a baby, whenever you get a chance, ask us about our beloved baby and let us show them off.  

so. welcome to edition one (of many) of "noah's pics". i pray that through them you'll get to know our little boy even better as we share more about his time here on earth.

let's begin at the beginning - the very first picture ever taken of noah hudson butler.


noah-boy, one hour old.

... taken by his daddy, right after his first bath. he was being quite the wiggily-wally in this picture because i'm sure he would have liked to say, "excuse me. i know i'm cute, but may i please get swaddled up in that warm blanket now?"

this picture was also taken right after an entire hour of cuddling with his mama. the moment he was born he was given straight to me and i proceeded to fall head over heels in love. during that hour on my chest he did a lot of looking around, ate a little breakfast and took a short snooze. all of it was heaven, for me.

but i am not naive and know far too well that i am blessed to have had those moments. i've heard countless stories of families who lose their baby minutes after they are born, or even while they are still in their mother's womb. and if you're reading this, and that's you, my heart breaks with you. you're right, it is absolutely not fair. and i'm pissed about it.

we may all have different experiences and wishes for what could have been, but we're all rooted together in the same love and longing.

even though i long, and literally ache, for a lifetime of more moments with my boy, today, i choose to be thankful for what i got.


8 comments:

  1. Absolutely precious... thank you for sharing this pic.

    I found your blog through Laura's and have been crying as I read along. Your writing is so beautiful and it is so apparent how much you continue to love your little boy. I know we haven't officially *met* but please know that this stranger is praying for you both, crying as I read about your devastating loss, marveling at your strength and courage, and sending out good thoughts daily.

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    1. thank you so much, christen. we are so so grateful for your prayers and support.

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  2. God bless you and John, McCayla. Keep writing because it is so important. We love the three of you and look forward to meeting Noah in Heaven. We'll keep praying for you (even the kids - because there's something special in a child's honest prayer).

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  3. such a beautiful picture of your beautiful boy. I am so touched by your writings and continue to be amazed by your strength and love and willingness to share your pain and love. Keep sharing pictures of Noah! I also want to see them! I love you, Mc!

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    1. thanks so much, sweet anne. love you.

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  4. Oh McCayla ... what a little prince this sweet boy is! I love this first picture and am looking forward to the ones you'll share with us in the future. He is such a handsome little man!!! Please know that you are so close to our hearts. We pray for you and Jon daily. We weep and mourn with you and will continue to lift you up in prayer as you work your way through the days ahead. Much love, friend.

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    1. your prayers and love for us are deeply felt - we are so grateful for you. thanks, you guys. we love you.

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