Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Noah's Birthday Story: Part Three

it's going to be quite difficult to put into words everything that happened on june 6th, 2013 and how truly precious and sacred it was. so i'm not even going to really try.

of course we didn't know it at the time, but this day would be the only day we'd have with noah while he was healthy. we look back at this day and wonder, did it even happen? it was like a fantasy.

june 6th, 2013 was my favorite day of all the days in my entire lifetime. and if i only had one word to describe that day, it would be pride.

every second of june 6th was seeped in pride.

i was so proud of my son. he was perfect. i had no idea what he would be like or look like, but he was everything, and more, than i could have imagined. it was mind blowing. 

i was so proud of my husband. we had just gone through the most exhilarating, emotional experience together and i had never loved him more.

i was so proud of myself. i had actually delivered a human being.

it was an amazing day.

so, 4 hours after noah was born (the early, early morning of june 6th) we were finally all alone, just the three of us. john and i were able to rest a bit, but i couldn't really sleep. too excited. my long, long awaited baby boy was here and he was sleeping just two feet away from me. he was so peaceful. never really cried. he would actually sing in his sleep. oh, i love him.

then at about 8am i get a text from my dear friend, annie. she stopped by to meet noah. his first visitor. at this point, john was actually fully asleep and woke up to the sound of us chatting. it was pretty cute.

a couple hours later my mama returned. (she had left after noah was born to get a good night's sleep at our house.) she pretty much hung out all day with us. i'm so thankful she was there and got to know noah so well. and she watched him while i took the most beautiful shower. that was lovely.

that day noah also got to meet our dear friend becky. and then julie and her boyfriend, matthew, came.

i adored introducing him and showing him off. so much pride.

he also was paid a visit by two of our high school students from church. they were so generous and brought noah lots of treats. we were really spoiled. they were so kind to come.

speaking of spoiled, noah also met his uncle mike and aunt laura that afternoon. i can't tell you how special it was that they came and met him. and they brought me a jimmy john's sandwich. so yummy.

i look back on that day and am so grateful those sweet handful of people were able to meet him when he was healthy. i feel like they have a secret knowledge and insight on our boy that only few do, and i share his memory with them in a very sacred way. it's like they are a part of the most exclusive, precious club.

i wish i remembered more from that day. i wish i took more pictures. i wish i took some video. i wish i held him more. i wish my brain were able to comprehend the weight of that wonderful day while it was happening.

but mostly i wish that day lasted forever.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Noah's Birthday Story: Part Two

so early, early on the morning of june 5th, 2013 (a wednesday) our midwife paid us a visit. since i hadn't started contractions on my own, she suggested i go on pitocin to kick start them. i was a little hesitant at first (not really sure why, i guess i always felt a little weird about inducing labor) but since my waters had broken and there is kind of a time window they want you to deliver after that, we decided to go ahead.

it was a few hours before the drugs arrived but pretty immediately after the first dose was given we were rockin' and rollin'! contractions came pretty strong and fast.

maybe an hour or so into labor the nurse started to up the pitocin dosage on the little IV machine. i must have missed the memo that the amount would be increasing, because this threw me off a bit. as she pressed buttons and the dosage number on the machine kept going up and up i felt a bit of dread knowing that this meant the pain would be going up and up as well. it was kind of a comical moment.

some memories i have from that day of labor:

john was an unbelievable coach and partner - so encouraging and patient. i couldn't have done it without him even though he jokes that he felt pretty helpless. "oh, you feel like you're getting run over by a semi truck? let me rub this tennis ball over your back. does that make it better? how about i just repeat the same three phrases over and over all day..."  the nurses and midwives kept commenting about what a great team we were. i was, and still am, so proud of my husband.

obviously we brought seinfeld dvds and i "watched" them a bit during labor. i remember during a contraction hearing something that made me laugh. so weird smiling and being in pain at the same time.

when contractions started getting super strong, i decided to take a bath. not as relaxing as i thought.

i vomited about three times throughout the afternoon. one of those times might have been on a nurse.

at the end of the day, right before i was fully dilated and about to start pushing, this was the view outside our window. a preview of the beauty to come.

at some point, when the contractions were at the absolute most intense i had a fleeting thought. did i not get any painkillers? 

finally i got the green light to start pushing. because of "everything" i know about childbirth from tv and the movies once you start pushing, it's like 3 or 4 pushes tops and he's out, right? so, in my mind, i was basically done and the hardest part was over! ...um, turns out that was not my experience. after every push, and he hadn't arrived yet, i was more and more discouraged. and determined.

throughout the eternally long hour of pushing i heard, "he's so close" about a thousand times. liars!!

i vaguely remember looking at a nurse i didn't recognize on my right and, with my eyes, tried to communicate with her to ... "help. me."

pushing was the most difficult thing i've ever done. i was exhausted. i was in a completely different dimension. all my memories are fuzzy, like a dream. everything in me wanted to quit. everything in me wanted to meet noah. i kept going.

i caught my mom about to take a picture (of my face, not anything graphic) and i immediately snapped, "you put that away right now!"

then at 11:56pm i finally heard the cry i had been waiting for.

and then i saw his face and he was placed in my arms.

i went into a state of bliss i've never, ever known. i kept saying to him, over and over, "you are so perfect. i love you so much. you are so perfect. i love you so much...."

his eyes were wide open. he knew me. i knew him.

for the next hour we cuddled, he had breakfast, we introduced him to my mama (she didn't know his name was noah until that moment)...

john got to give him a bath.

i cuddled with him some more.

it was around this time, while i was holding him, that i took about 5,000 pictures of this beautiful boy. i couldn't get enough! if you'd like to see any of them, they are on my phone permanently.

but here's one.

john had some special time too.

then at about 4am we were finally settled in our new, after-delivery-room. 
with our son. 
just us three.

what a day. 
i was still too excited to sleep.

part three of noah's birthday story tomorrow! his first 24 amazing hours.