I am not skilled to understand
What God hath willed, what God hath planned;
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior
i've been having a hard time lately reconciling God's perfect and powerful sovereignty (that He has complete control over the entire universe) with the fact that noah died, and God seemingly did nothing to stop it.
and considering i barely have enough space in my distracted-cloudy-what day is it-brain to remember my lunch or construct a coherent sentence, this is probably the best time to ponder a few theological questions that have been asked for thousands of years by the smartest minds ever. ha.
but it's literally driving me crazy. how could a God who holds the world in His hand, the world HE created out of dust mind you, not intervene and heal little noah butler's lungs? or better yet, made sure noah didn't have the rare disease in the first place? c'mon, God. it's not that hard.
all my life i have believed in a God who heals, who performs miracles. He gave a blind man sight, turned water into wine and conquered death on a cross, after entering our world of sin. He's a God who intervenes.
surely, my God is ABLE.
so it's not that God couldn't heal or save noah, it's that He didn't.
and this is where my thoughts on the matter dead end. because how can that be? isn't God loving? what happened to God IS Love? because, in my mind, not saving noah from death doesn't seem very loving. in fact, quite the opposite.
we prayed desperately for noah all throughout the pregnancy, for his protection and health. so did we just not pray hard enough or in the right way? how does God 'decide' who gets a miraculous healing and who doesn't? who gets a healthy baby and who doesn't? and why?
i realize i'm asking a lot more questions than coming up with answers. #sorrynotsorry
but here's what i do know, and what i base my weary life on...
the God of the universe, Who holds the keys to the secrets of history and time, loves me.
that in itself is hard to fathom. but what Jesus did on the cross proves it.
He loves me not because of what i did or didn't do. how i prayed, or if at all.
but by grace.
i don't understand it, but i accept it.
i may never know, this side of eternity, why noah died. Lord knows, i don't understand it. but, with shaking hands and tear soaked eyes, i accept it.
i trust You, God, so i trust You with noah.
so it's probably best that i'm not skilled to understand the workings and wondrous mysteries of God. because if i were able to, i wouldn't want to put my trust in a God that small anyway.