and my God did i make the right choice. (more accurately, thank God he chose me!)
i didn't realize it then, but right now, in this brutal season of life, i have come to deeply understand how important it is to marry a person with character. because "as long as we both shall live" lasts a long time and doesn't always involve a fantasy land.
take it from me, if you are thinking of getting married, imagine your fiance under the greatest amount of stress and heartache you can fathom. how do you think they would react? do they lash out with unkindness and disrespect over the tiniest inconvenience now? imagine if the horrific circumstances were soul crushing.
or do they have the capacity to overcome excruciating pain with patience and grace?
nobody really wants to ever think about their darkest times, especially when their life is filled with proposals, kisses and flowers, but it's absolutely necessary. it could save your life.
because when we are the most broken, we are the most vulnerable. and we need to have someone by our side who is tender and gentle at their core. who is willing to make sacrifices, especially emotionally, in order to care for us.
and somehow i got lucky, because the man i married has a strength i didn't know was possible in a human being. he is selfless, loyal and best of all, a loving father. i don't know what happened, or how, but noah changed my husband, for the better. and he was amazing to begin with!
i'm an ugly person most of the time right now. in superficial ways like not wearing makeup and having a jelly-belly tummy. but also in my attitude. i'm less joyful and carefree, and more bitter and jaded. i'm certainly not the woman john married.
at times we are the worst versions of ourselves. and yet, we love.
it's a wonder and a miracle. and what's more, not once these past few months, have john and i taken out our anger on each other. granted, we aren't perfect creatures and sometimes grumpiness gets the best of us, like anyone. but even during the most stressed we've ever been in our entire lives times a million - kindness, patience and grace have been poured over us in bucket loads. and that's in large part to my husband's character.
there was a milli-second moment as we were saying our "in joy and in sorrow" vow three years ago where i sensed our road would not be easy, that maybe tragedy lie ahead. obviously i bounced off of that thought pretty quickly, because that didn't mix well with the celebration of marriage. yet even in that scary moment i had a steady confidence to make this conscience decision and precede on this unknown, perhaps tragic, journey with this man. because i trusted his character. i knew that even if life wasn't always good, my life's partner was. and we would see it through together.
happy anniversary, honey. you're my miracle. i've never loved and cherished you more than i do now. i choose you everyday. and for all of our days.
|all photos by Katie Anderson Photography|