Monday, September 2, 2013

Changed for Good

yesterday was one of the best days i've had in a long time. john and i were given an amazing, sent-from-heaven type gift. i can't wait to tell you about it! 

a little back story first. i was five years old when i got a vhs tape of The Wizard of Oz for christmas. and my heart has been completely taken with the story ever since. i dressed up as dorothy, the wicked witch and glinda multiple times for halloween. one year my mom even dressed up as the scarecrow and we carried around a huge stuffed lion to complete the ensemble. 

i read all the books, including Wicked - a story about the two witches that completely blew my mind.

then the musical, based on the book, took my love of the story to a whole new level. i saw it for the first time in LA, then Chicago, then Seattle, then Portland, then Seattle again and last night i saw it for the sixth time at the Boston Opera House.

here's how it happened. we didn't realize it was even in boston (we're here on vacation) until we arrived to town. we decided to take a chance and try to get tickets via "the lottery." 

there was only one performance showing that was available so we went for it. we arrived two and a half hours before the show began and put our names in a huge pot. both my husband and i put our names in requesting two tickets each. so we had two shots at getting our names drawn! but.... there were over a hundred people who were hoping for the same thing. chances were slim. 

then the young man was ready to draw names. the huge crowd waited in anticipation. john and i stood in the back, not feeling too hopeful.   

first winner. McCayla Butler.

that was me!!! i couldn't believe it. 

john and i made our way to the front to get our two tickets to Wicked!! 

as we were walking away he drew another name.

second winner. John Butler.

are you kidding me?!?! how is that possible? what are the odds of that! 

since we didn't need four, i asked the guy if we were able to give john's two tickets to someone else. (while we were waiting in line for the lottery i saw two little girls put their names in and i told john that if we won tickets, and they have never seen Wicked, i wanted them to go instead. i love Wicked so much it deserves to be shared.) but unfortunately we weren't able to give them away so they just had to draw another random name, in place of john's. and wouldn't you know it, the third winner was one of those little girls. out of hundreds.

there is no denying that all of that was more than a coincidence. it was a gift. 

us getting tickets at all would have been lucky. but me getting called first, john second and the two little girls i wanted so badly to be able to go called third, that's not luck, that's lavishly blessed. 

God knows me. He sees me. He loves me. and i'm overwhelmed by it.

here's noah bear sitting with us in the front row.

the following are lyrics to the song at the end of the show called "For Good." glinda and elphaba sang this song right before elphaba dies.

i thought of noah the whole time, but during this song his presence was palpible. 

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you.
I have been changed for good.

It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime.
So, let me say before we part:
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you'll have rewritten mine
By being my friend.

Like a ship blown from its mooring
By a wind off the sea.
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird
In a distant wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you...
have been changed for good.
but, spoiler alert, after the two witches say their goodbyes, elphaba doesn't really die. glinda just thinks she did. 

and just like elphaba, noah is alive and well too. safe from harm. 

there's more going on than meets the eye, then what i can see on this side of eternity. but that doesn't mean it's not happening.

a few weeks ago, when i was feeling super angry, a mother who also lost a baby to the same disease (ACD) that took noah, told me about how she was angry, as well, until she received a miracle that broke her anger for good. (her miracle was a few undeniable "coincidences" that couldn't be explained away.)

i was skeptical. how could this raging anger ever be tamed? and by just some random events. i didn't feel like it was possible, for me.

but, because of Wicked, and how God used the show i love to bless me, i feel my storm breaking. 

somewhere over the rainbow.


  1. This made me weep. What a blessing it is to see the way the Lord is blessing you! He is so good!

  2. Yep, I cried. I thought you and John getting called was crazy enough, but those two girls too?! Incredible! I am so so so thankful that God gave you a good day, and that you were able to feel Noah's presence from something good and not from pain. It was such a blessing to spend time with you guys this week. Love you!

  3. I am weeping as well! Somewhere over the rainbow... Noah's rainbow... God's faithfulness and promises. I love how God powerfully gets our attention even through small things- songs, plays, unexpected gifts. You inspire me to notice God in the little things. So glad you had a great trip!

  4. "Like a handprint on my heart" - I love that. I'm praying more blessings upon you!

  5. I. Love. This. SO MUCH!!!! My favorite song. My favorite musical. And now it means a ton more to me. This is a truly an amazing story. I don't know if you ever read Guideposts but this would make an awesome submission.

  6. Your stories continue to amaze me each time and help me to realize that God is truly watching over you and Noah. Noah is helping me to see the things that I sometimes disbelieve and am skeptical of. His rainbows are leading me to look towards the heavens...somewhere I've not looked in a long time! - Crystal
    Sorry I have to use an old blog account to comment ;)

  7. Wow, how cool! Had me in tears too. I am so sorry for your loss. Grateful for Gods goodness. That he is big enough for all of our pain, anger, tears.... We lost one of our twins at birth to Trisomy 13. And as I followed your story through DeAnna, my heart was breaking for you. Thank you for sharing your journey, I know that many have and will be touched by you and Noah.