all questions we ask each other, not to necessarily know the answer, but more like a way to say hello.
i realized yesterday that in the last three months i have yet to respond to any of those types of questions without the simple answer of "ok."
this is strange for me. usually my response was something like, "pretty good!", "can't complain!", or maybe even an "Awesome!" every now and then.
but then my world was turned upside down.
i found pretty early on after noah died that responding to how i am doing with anything better than just "ok" would be a lie. sure, there are elements of good in my life. my husband. our home and health. my family and friends.
but overall, life is kind of a little awful right now.
a friend of mine said that she would imagine that the world just wasn't a beautiful place to me anymore. and it's true. i've got a dark cloud hovering over, and tainting, my otherwise once positive outlook on life.
i wonder when, or if, life will ever be "good" again.
i have hope it will. i have to believe this dark cloud can't stay too horribly long.
unfortunately, that doesn't mean the devastation of losing noah will ever go away, that's impossible.
so, although i'm not sure how life can ever be good again without noah here...
there's got to be a way, somehow, for pain and redemption to coexist. and i'm determined to try and find it.