Rainbows for Noah: Sorrow is the Sea

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Sorrow is the Sea

"The world looks different now. The pinks have become purple, the yellows brown.

Sometimes I think that happiness is over for me. I look at photos of the past and immediately comes the thought: that's when we were still happy. But I can still laugh, so I guess that isn't quite it. Perhaps what's over is happiness as the fundamental tone of my existence. Now sorrow is that.

Sorrow is no longer the islands but the sea."

Nicholas Wolterstorff

"Lament for a Son"

1 comment:

ChristenSeptember 25, 2013 at 3:33 PM
There are no words... it is so very unfair and devastating what you and your husband have been through. All I can is that know we are all listening to you... listening to you share... crying as we read the story of your last day with your son... sending out love and thoughts even if we don't officially *know* you
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i'm a mama.

my name is mccayla and i'm part of the club no one wants to belong to - i lost my baby.

noah hudson butler was born a healthy 7 pounds, 5 ounces on june 5, 2013. the first 24 hours with him were another dimension of bliss. our dreams had come true - we were parents. and we were the happiest we've ever been.

then the nightmare began. he started having trouble breathing and things went from bad to worse. 12 days later he was diagnosed with an extremely rare, and fatal, condition called alveolar capillary dysplasia. there was nothing else the doctors could do.

we said goodbye to our sweet boy that night, june 18, 2013, after spending the holiest of days with the one who changed our world forever.

this is my journey of living in the tension between despair and hope as i navigate through a life no one ever imagines. and it's what loss looks like from here.