well, we survived the thanksgiving holiday. and it really wasn't all that bad - not nearly as difficult as i thought it was going to be. the dreading and build up was definitely worse than the actual day.
the hubs and i had a very low-key, quiet morning. walked the dog. cleaned. made buffalo chicken bites for apple cup the next day. we pretty much pretended it wasn't thanksgiving, just a nice day off from work.
we knew we had an open invitation to my parent's house, so we made a last minute decision and decided to go over there. we played cards. we ate chili, cornbread and pumpkin pie. we spoke fondly of noah. we guessed flavors of jelly bellies. there was laughter and joy. (mostly from the antics of our older, more "serious" dog, samson, and my parent's new, playful puppy, oscar. their dynamics were a little crazy and made for a lovely distraction.)
it wasn't a typical thanksgiving, or the one i had hoped to have this year, but it was sweet and sacred in only the way a very ordinary day can be. and sometimes ordinary is the most beautiful.
last thursday i was reminded how thankful i am for family. for their flexibility and willingness to deal with our "maybe" responses. for their ability to welcome us graciously at the last minute. for their continued selflessness. for understanding.
i'm sure it's not easy, convenient or anywhere near what they'd really like to do on a holiday. but they've adapted. made tweaks to traditions. given us space, yet were never too far away. and in all of it, showed us deep and overwhelming love.
sometimes i feel like a real debbie downer. and especially now, around the holidays, i'm highly sensitive to the reality that my acute depression could potentially ruin the fun and excitement that others are feeling during this special season...and i hate that. so for the family and friends who are riding our emotional roller coasters along with us, dealing with our flaky, "we'll see how we feel" plans, and genuinely embracing two grieving parents when it would be easier to just "be happy" and ignore us -
you are making our holidays, and our lives, a little brighter.