written december 3, 2013.
tomorrow we'll be about 13 weeks pregnant, and we've only told a handful of people. our immediate families and a couple of close friends. when i was pregnant with noah i seemed to have been screaming our news from the rooftops the moment we saw the beautiful + on that plastic stick.
this time is different. for a lot of reasons.
it's not that we aren't excited. we are. it's just not the wildly optimistic, "oh my gosh we're pregnant and this is going to be the best ever!!!!" it looks more like the cautious and quiet hopefulness that is thankful, yet fearful. i'm trying to hold all my hopes and dreams protectively in my heart, a heart that knows all-too-well the brokenness of this world and the "worst case scenarios" that can actually happen to me.
my naivety is completely gone and it makes for a less-than-blissful pregnancy.
at 6 weeks pregnant i insisted we go to the urgent care, in the middle of the night, because i was having some weird cramping. i was worried. (more than worried.) turns out it was a cyst on my ovary (very common) that would go away in it's own time. the entire trip there and hours spent getting checked out were only because i wanted to know the baby was okay. and baby was just fine.
then at 8 weeks we went in to see our midwife and get our initial check. i cried in the waiting room because i was so scared. but all was well. our sweet midwife said that i could come in whenever i wanted to hear the heartbeat. i came in the very next week. (even though it felt like months.) i had to know the baby was okay.
as you can see i'm mildly neurotic. but i guess i have reason to be.