i'm feeling just a little bit distracted today. i had one of those mornings where the entire bus ride to work was a blur. i have no idea how i got from one stop to the next because i was too busy day dreaming.
my sister-in-law's brother and his wife had their firstborn baby girl this morning. all this week i've been constantly thinking about them (aka. stalking facebook for updates) and the past 24 hours i can't seem to focus on much more than how she's doing, if labor went well... and then of course my mind goes to noah and our experience bringing him into the world.
15 hours of labor. vomiting on the nurse. being coached through every second by the most patient and loving man in the world. introducing our gorgeous son to family and friends. eating a jimmy john's sandwich as a reward for not eating deli meat for 9 months.
that whole first day was just soaked in pride.
a week or so ago i was watching the latest episode of sister wives and their baby girl was admitted into the hospital because her kidneys shut down. throughout the entire episode i could identify completely with what they were feeling. the unknowns. the ups and downs. the fear.
i could identify until the end, when they took her home, healthy. i cried as i longed to know what that would feel like. the relief. the gratefulness. the joy.
in one of my first blog posts i wrote about how often john and i hear, "i can't imagine what you're going through." the loss. the suffering. the pain. it's hard to understand if you haven't been through it. the majority of parents in this world cannot imagine not taking their baby home from the hospital.
we, however, can't imagine what it will be like to actually take our baby home from the hospital, for real. no nicu stay, no fear, just a healthy baby ready to go home and live his long life. it seems so simple.
what will that even be like? feel like? it's as foreign to me as heaven. even when i just begin to dream about those first few hours and days with miles i get incredibly emotional and overwhelmed.
but in 118 days (give or take a few) we'll find out. and i can't imagine.